released again... we'll see whats next

the pushing has become the releasing. Brokenness seems to be a matter of perception. Really most of the time when I am "broken" it is a result of me, being sinful. I tend to get mad at someone or something for some reason and often it is just because it is not how I like it. So I ask why does that bother me? Unfortunately the answer is that I am human and do not fully appreciate that Jesus is my savior and my acceptance, not what they think or if they accept, but that he already has. So I guess that asking those questions is a type of brokenness that refines the things that are idols because it hurts when it shouldn't and maybe the potter will fix my cracks, if in an interesting way, I let him. For this reason, if you understood what I just said, I had to quit greek so that God will work through the things that are immediately necessary for life and his exaltation... rather then me running ragged to do everything half-way... Jacob was right.

If you want to learn about trusting the Holy Spirit teach or be involved in leading High School ministry.

everything is a gift not a burden
-it seems that lots of things becomes a bigger burden then little, thats part of why the rich man has such a problem, its easy to be satisfied with little then with a lot because it progresses so exponentially because the taste of having or doing a lot fills the hole for a little while but then the hole just gets bigger. If there is no chance for a lot then the big space cries for something bigger to fill it and only Jesus can do that. When Jesus fills the hole still gets bigger but so does he. Stuff or activities can only get so big.

I have a garden and am learning to have pleasure in doing yard work.

I like quick results which is not a good thing to desire in life... i need perseverance... lots of it. Immediate satisfaction is so wonderful but nothing seems to happen that way that has the ultimate value.

for michelle de mexico

so its been an interesting month-
Started teaching
Tried to do something that was manufactured, by me, which doesnt go well
sherry ware pointed some more fun things out to me about me... amen from many of you
I dont want to be a big boy, then got a swift kick in the tail by the one and only Jesus... Elaboration- So I bought a house, cool. I never had a college life and want one. Those things and a job and school and teaching and .... do not go all together. They can have a little harmony but being a steward of the blessings comes first, tough lesson. So for future rememberance, if everything feels broken, i mean everything then it just might be. It says that God gives to each of us gifts to the measure of his grace, which Im not sure is grace in the sense of what i view as grace, there is the problem. So I always do everything that is given to me to do, as far as i know. So my problem is not necessarily being lazy meaning not doing things but not being a good steward of the gifts that I have, given by God within me for his glory. When I want to throw a tantrum I half ass things, which means not doing everything to the absolute glory of God to the best of my ability, I do it because I have to and know its the right thing to do. Idiot. Anyway, that is what I am being worked on and working on.
I need more time in the day- to pray, to work,to sleep, to read 1000 pages and write a 15 pg paper for a 2 hour class (seriously), to study greek, to plan lessons, do house work- I am weak and do not know the meaning of hard work.
I am not patient despite the fact that the position im in doesnt allow me to be anything but patient.
I got to have lunch last week with one of the people i admire most in my entire life and who God used to change me, like many others. Praying that he feels better.
i need more than 0 days off in two months from work... call me weak

societal problems

I got to watch just about the entire Roger Clemens doposition while I was at an event for work today. I have never seen two people so blatantly lie. Anyone watching it can see that both were guilty of perjury but both are so unbelievable it makes aanything either says uncredible. I cant understand why these guys wont admit to it and explain that this is how they were attempting to be successful. This comes down to a social problem more than a sports problem. People do WHATEVER is necessary to be successful. Often this is seen as the only way to be successful. The only thing that can be done is to change the meaning of success, give people hope in something other then what doesn't really fill or bring whatever feeling they were desiring. It is a never ending spiral to desire what we cant have, get it, and then the bar is just set higher because the reality didnt meet expectation. Maybe our expectations are just too low and we dont understand what the real desire should be