ouch

so its been a rough week... really rough. One of my good friend had a very unfortunate thing happen in his life. In some ways God is using this in a huge way and showing me many things about what real hardness of heart is and how he has blessed me beyond my capacity for understanding. The songs mean so much more to me now then before. There is a lot of personal stuff to this story that I can't talk about but God has some amazing possibilities in acting here, in a supremely difficult situation.
Secondly, three things that I have been pondering and seem to encompass the Christian life. 1. Prayer and worship- The way I pray and how often really shows how much I rely upon God and how much I view myself as such. It seems often like a waste of time, just kneeling upon the floor, but when I beseech the creator of the universe who wants to be my all and provide a knowledge of who he is and how he works, it is amazing to see the outcome. Worship- it is everything that we do. We are worshipping and putting value in all that is thought about and dwelt upon, whether favorably or not. What am I worshipping? May it always be the recognition of the creator and what he does and how he moves rather then my own selfish desires. 2. redemption- This world is about redemption. I am redeemed from the curse by the blood of Christ. I am now as C.S. Lewis put it, a little Christ, here on earth to further that redemption. To redeem cities and nations and the world back to the original perfect state before God. Can this literally happen, no, but we strive to bring everything and everyone back under the Lordship of Jesus. We are conduits through which the redemption of Christ now flows and makes itself manifested. 3. Community- The trinity is a community, within which the entirety of God flows and works together in harmonious choreography. Part of the redemption too, is the realization that salvation is knowing God. By knowing God we have community with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, not as some far off God but as here, now. It took me a long time to think that and believe it. Not until this doctrine of God class did I really understand much of this.
Last, on Thursday I almost destroyed my car and my grade for Sinclair Furgeson's class. I had the privilege of giving him a ride to his hotel after class on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Well the storms came through on Thursday and there was water on the road that had caused some cones, in an under construction area, to float, which led me into a road that was under construction. We ended up drooping into about 1.5 ft of water, in my Toyota Corolla, and then I attempted to get out of it but got stuck. Dr Furgeson and I then got out, tried to push the car up onto the road, which doesn't workout well when im barefooted and he is in his sixties. So we hid in a parking garage until Beau came and picked us up, laughing, and Dr furgeson had his shirt unbuttoned and in a scottish accent said to Kim, "I dont normally meet women like this." Then i got to go up to his room, continually getting texts from beau and kimbeau asking what shirt he let me wear and hoping it was a white tank, wierd. I then had to wait for AAA to come and tow my car, which they actually couldnt get out that night, so Dr Furgeson asked me if I wanted to go to the bar and get some whiskey. Yes, I did have whiskey while he drank tea at the hotel and we talked for about an hour. It was amazing, but now i have bill for over $800 to fix my car, again, when I have no money anyway... great.

released again... we'll see whats next

the pushing has become the releasing. Brokenness seems to be a matter of perception. Really most of the time when I am "broken" it is a result of me, being sinful. I tend to get mad at someone or something for some reason and often it is just because it is not how I like it. So I ask why does that bother me? Unfortunately the answer is that I am human and do not fully appreciate that Jesus is my savior and my acceptance, not what they think or if they accept, but that he already has. So I guess that asking those questions is a type of brokenness that refines the things that are idols because it hurts when it shouldn't and maybe the potter will fix my cracks, if in an interesting way, I let him. For this reason, if you understood what I just said, I had to quit greek so that God will work through the things that are immediately necessary for life and his exaltation... rather then me running ragged to do everything half-way... Jacob was right.

If you want to learn about trusting the Holy Spirit teach or be involved in leading High School ministry.

everything is a gift not a burden
-it seems that lots of things becomes a bigger burden then little, thats part of why the rich man has such a problem, its easy to be satisfied with little then with a lot because it progresses so exponentially because the taste of having or doing a lot fills the hole for a little while but then the hole just gets bigger. If there is no chance for a lot then the big space cries for something bigger to fill it and only Jesus can do that. When Jesus fills the hole still gets bigger but so does he. Stuff or activities can only get so big.

I have a garden and am learning to have pleasure in doing yard work.

I like quick results which is not a good thing to desire in life... i need perseverance... lots of it. Immediate satisfaction is so wonderful but nothing seems to happen that way that has the ultimate value.