it has been a while

I just finished my Apologetics paper in which learned that it is both imposible to be an atheist and rationally illogical.
It was revealed to me that it is posible to idolize life in general. Most of the time I see this as you idolize an object, sport, person All that has been going through my mind lately is what I need to do or what is going to happen if I don't do something or... I was letting life live me rather then living life. I have to be busy, if not, I get lazy and bad things happen or habbits are formed, not good.
Prof Greene at Westminster is a balla and the best teacher I have ever had, I am very blessed.
God showed me that passion is a matter of how you look at things, whether it be academically or other things because it seemed like this philosophy of apologetics had no application to fuel the affections, just facts to defeat someone in an argument and tell them how ignorant they are. Stupid.
I want to buy a house, hurry and call bank dude.
I get to read harry potter and City of God by Augustine and some wonderful other books that are unassigned.
Jesus is Lord, he protects and he gives grace when we obey and rely upon him who has defeated all things.

so life continues

Is it wierd that I am listening to kelly clarkson...
Secondly, it takes God to kick me in the ass and he is and has. It is wierd that I get mad a God, despite the whole time knowing and believing that He is working for His good as well as mine. I feel as though I truly believe and know that it is all for the good but still continue to get mad and resent God for not doing it my way. Great pride and idolatry. Why does it take so long to figure out? Why is it so hard to have a soft heart? I now realize that it is better to never think that I have made any progress in life but to rest in the fact that I know Christ. I worry so much about the horizontal, get overwhelmed by it and mad at the verticle then do, as I do to people, try to ignore the verticle out of spite... sad.
Finally, God kicked me through the door at DBU. I went in for the second interview and they basically told me what I am doing in my job and what's expected. I truly believe that this is where God has me, against my wishes- leading to stupid resentment. While it answers immediate questions, it opens up a lot more, but I am thankful for what God has given me. This is a moving forward move, not really a desired one but one that is necessary and beneficial, and now I must trust...something really hard for me... all the while knowing the true calling on my life. I pray I do not lose the call but push on knowing that I minister where I am and have a chance to learn and lead kids at youth.
Tomorrow-Jonathan Jordan has inspired me to post my rant...

random

Why does Christmas start in the middle of November? Because Christmas does not start until Christmas eve on DEC 24.
I am getting extremely tired of seeing Christian television anywhere on TV, get rid of it. Those people are stupid and wrong and are sending people to hell, it's like the catholic church asking for indulgences... also, who can honestly take a lady with a purple pigment seriously?!
No one should get $30 million dollars to play a game.
Someone intrigues me, which is scary.
I have no idea what to do with life.
I want to go to the woods and kill things.
I get bored easily if what I am doing has no impact.
At what point is having long obedience not obedience but just a mind made direction? Give me strength to keep the option open.
Balance in life is good, rest is necessary... even a little tv.

release

There are just so many things that I hold in my hand that I really do not even know that I do. I have been lucky to make so many good friends in Denton that I thought I would be staying here for a long time, friends I want to have for a long time, but now it's not looking so good. I thought and have a posibility of working at Dbu but in reality that is not where I need to be. There is a calling on my life, gifts that I have been given, and desires in my life that I long to fulfill that need to be started otherwise will get put on the backburner. It is an unwillingness to let go of my comfort and the place I want to be in that has hurt me in the past few weeks, rather then the other soap opera and sadness/hurt for something that I thought it was. There is something that I have been put on this planet for and I believe that, that is where God wants me to do his work rather then being comfortable, which sucks sometimes. So now I am open to going or being wherever I am called rather then where I want to be, because where I am called will be my joy and his glory in the end despite the immediate pain.

yeah

I haven't written in a week and it has been a strange one. I have been sick, which hasn't happened in four years. I do not really know how to deal with it because sitting and getting better is not in my vocabulary. Also, by God's grace I have some peace and am dealing with some issues that might be my 'thorn in the flesh' type stuff. finally a little philosophy thought:

Sovereignty coming from the quote in Revelation and reason: new essays in reformed apologetics, edited by Oliphint and Tipton:
"Far from annulling human freedom, total divine sovereignty alone makes such freedom meaningful."
If someone does not believe in the complete sovereignty of God, and the workings of his foreordained plan, how is it possible for man to live in any comfort or freedom? In reality with no absolute plan or belief in the overarching 'fate,' then it would seem that a person not believing in God would be in a constant state of worry and panic because everything is based on chance and chaos. In sovereignty, there is a belief that God is controlling outcomes and through this, comes a peace that there is order in a 'chaotic' world. That is why divine sovereignty seems to be more freeing then normal unbelief because you live in the freedom of knowing that all is foreordained in the plans of God, and that worry about every occurrence or decision is not necessary. The only reason why we worry is because we are prideful, sinful, idolaters of ourselves thinking we know better then God and not resting in that foreordained plan, Christian or not. Finally, if you do not believe in God's sovereignty then that is more faith the believing because there is too much order in the world to believe that everything is happening by chance or even that people will make enough 'right' decisions in a row to create the order that exists now. If that is not convincing, where does man get the ability have order and do what is correct when the presupposed thought by most of humanity is that there is generally a glitch and a bent toward sin? Why search for a sin gene in human genetics if you do not believe in God and religion, who is the creator of such a thought?

this is random thoughts and just came out i hope they were at least entertaining.